Observations of the impatient ilk

Being on the dole of the unemployment kind and being a people watcher, I often get caught up in observing how people treat their fellow humans in different circumstances.

One theme I've been exploring lately is that of patience. I've been a variously patient and impatient sort. I surprise myself with the patience I have with young kids in a class and yet the Boston in me erupts when I encounter obviously non-thinking drivers.

But I have found the most interesting reactions from people who make assumptions about me, especially now that I am unemployed. I have long been active in the extracurricular activities that kept me sane during my previous jobs and those activities haven't changed because I have the need to stay sane now more than ever. What's changed is that instead of working 8 or 9 hours a day, I now look for a new job, I clean house (where I used to hire help there), mow the lawn (used to stimulate the local economy there, too), and cook (used to buy a lot of prepared or takeout to save time, now I cook from scratch). On a school day, I have less than 6 hours a day as opposed to my previous 8 or 9 to concentrate on what I need to get done, whatever that entails. And yet, many of my acquaintance think that I should be able to take on new commitments or somehow do more than I am. Is this a rant? Yes. I am railing against those people that feel they know I should be doing "better." I should be better at keeping in touch, I should be better at housekeeping, I should be a better community member, you name it, I should be better at it, just by virtue of being unemployed.

Why did the standard change from when I was being paid to work? I'm figuring out that it's the matter of perceived "free" time. I do admit that I can do things now that I could not before because I now have the time. But there is a balance sheet that comes into play. Take cooking for example. The fact that I am cooking our meals from scratch has meant a huge cost savings in our money budget, but, conversely, a huge expense in my time budget. The easiest meals I prepare are a minimum half hour prep and about a half hour cleanup.   So I can make a pizza for a couple bucks instead of buying a take and bake pizza for $10-$12 or a fully baked one for $20. I spend a half an hour prep (while the bread machine does the bulk of the work during the two-hour lead time) instead of popping open a box upon arrival. Another example is now I am the bulk of the after school and summer time supervision for Resident Kid instead of paying for lots of after school activities and summer camps.

I am one of the lucky ones in terms of mental health (Death and Joblessness) and yet still I suffer the impatience of those amongst my acquaintance that believe I should somehow be able to get myself into a different situation if only I were really trying. 

I, ironically, don't have patience with these sorts. I have found that my mental health improved when I realized that I don't need the added expectations from other people's measuring sticks. I don't need the ruler rapped on my knuckles to make me try harder. Ultimately, my motivation comes from the fact that it's my family's well-being that is at stake here and it is beyond me to understand why others believe that their approval or disapproval will spur me to greater deeds.

I use the unemployment situation as the example here, but really, doesn't this apply in other circumstances as well? I should be more patient with those sorry, inexperienced folks that believe I should magic a job out of thin air. But, by my sarcasm, I find I have a long way to go.

Leap into the new frontier

I have coffee or other connecting times with fellow unemployees and we kibitz about all the various and sundry things that bubble up during the course of our lives.  And it is true, that during these kinds of life tests, that you really find out who are, for lack of a better term, genuine people.  There are the pretend people who go around with their heads in a haze and are totally clueless about what is going on in the world.  And then there are the people that have engaged.  These are curious people who want to learn in order to figure why things tick along the way they do.

I recently met a person who accosted me and called me, funnily enough, a communist, because I dared to give voice to all of the evidence supporting global climate change.  I had a couple other people take a similar aggressive stance towards me because I stepped up to take on a challenge that, well, challenged me in somewhat a public setting.   In thinking back on these events, I realize that I launched into each endeavor with a big breath and a sense of...Well, here goes nothing...Nothing ventured, nothing gained...What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger...Add your own adage.

In one circumstance, I got a heavy negative response from select individuals amongst my acquaintance and at first I was confused.  But then, one of those genuine people told me to ignore them because they were jealous.  I was floored.  People were jealous of me for essentially being willing to make a fool of myself.  Wow.  Brings to mind some other adages:  Deer in the headlights...Scared of their own shadow...the blind leading the blind...

So, you blogospherians, in hopes of building a new cadre of genuine people in the world, stride forth, engage, learn, and eat haggis.*



* By the way, the canned haggis I referred to in my earlier blog is:  Caledonian Kitchen Haggis With Sirloin Beef, 14.5-Ounce Cans (Pack of 3) and Caledonian Kitchen Haggis With Lamb, 14.5-Ounce Cans (Pack of 3).